When I was able to see it that way, it helped me to become a lot more detached from the frustration (which of course is still there), and see things in a new way... I walk around all the time thinking I basically know what's best. I may not tell myself that, but in the back of my mind, my selfishness outweighs my good intentions and I decide I actually know what's best. I decide to let my sin win. Because, I actually know that it's a good idea to keep gossiping, even when I totally hear the Holy Spirit telling me otherwise. Yet, I decide to shine him on, and tell him that he doesn't have control, and that his plans aren't best. I act just like a 7 year old.
Despite the huge age difference, between me and my students, I act just like them. I decide to act in sin, rather than obedience, when really, the Lord does want what is best for me. And instead of pouting when I have to pay the consequences for my stupidity, I should be praising God for his discipline. Because, he's only disciplining me to bring himself more glory and draw me closer to him. (Which was always his plan, I just decided to mess it up and then come back around the long, hard way).
So rather than getting more upset when the Lord disciplines me, I should be praising him. Because, in his love, he's gracious enough to be patient and wait for me to recognize his perfect plan. He offers me grace in each moment; from the beginning, during and after I decide to sin. But he won't force me to love him, he doesn't force me to repent and choose grace.
When I was thinking about that the other night, I remembered a verse that talks about the Lord disciplining those he loves.
"These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent..." Revelation 3:14-20
The Lord disciplines me because he loves me. I'm so glad he takes the time for this, rather than letting me run aimlessly in my own way. When I get a glimpse of this, I can't help but be overwhelmed by him. He is too good to me, and his grace is too much.